“Did one hit lead to a 13-year old’s suicide?”
My article is about a thirteen-year-old boy
that committed suicide after a head injury during football. James Ransom has
been playing football every since he was a little kid. His parents quote “‘My
son would often go head and head, repeatedly,” Greg says. “Who knows how many
times they were hitting each other like that?’” but why would they allow their
child to go head and head like that knowing that concussion can cause damage?
As James was playing a game him and another kid hit heads hard, no one knew when
it happened but Greg (James dad) didn’t know until James told him. James was a
perfectionist but his parents took him to the doctor and they noticed that he
had obsessive-compulsive disorder (also known as ocd), in school he would say
that he was a failure and wouldn’t succeed in life. With this hit to the head
he became very violent and irritable. Sometimes he would grab his father from
the neck, grind his teeth, throw himself to the floor. He would also roll his
eyes back uncontrollably. His sister says “Before the concussion, he had been
gentle. He was affectionate and had a sweet disposition… ‘he was the kind of
brother that would give you a big bear hug.’” The ransoms were terrified of
their son, they were afraid of what he could and would do.
I would like to hear more about the actual suicide and aftermath. It almost seems like the focus of your writing was on his behavior and head injury. I really like the way this way written!
ReplyDeleteI think your article is good and I love all the quotes, your much better at that than I am. But where's your response? There is no opinion or response in your words you're kind of just summarizing the article. So maybe try and see the focus in what you right and try to add to a piece of writing and not rewrite or summarize it.
ReplyDeleteThis is well written but maybe next time try opening it differently. I like your quotes though.
ReplyDeleteVery well written. You did a great job with the quotes, you really made it flow! But where is your response?
ReplyDeleteKayla, put the link to the actual article in here!
ReplyDeleteI like all of the quotes and details, but try a different opening to the story that would draw a reader in more.
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ReplyDeleteThe writing in this piece works well together and flows, also good use of quotes. However, you need to have more of a response instead of mostly summary.
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